Friday, June 4, 2010
Moving
So we're probably moving. We'd be leaving around September. I mean there are worse places to move than Colorado. I've always wanted to live in Colorado. And I do hate it here, but I don't WANT to leave. I have friends that I trust with my life. I mean after I'm gone, who's going to be able to hold me accountable if they find fresh cuts on my hands? Or if they notice that I stop eating? I love creating myself over again, especially in a serious drama and musical theatre program (and a thespian troupe). (They have that at the main highschool in Boulder (the town my parents are looking at.)) I'll most likely be out of fall show here and there though. But, moving after school has started does make me the center of attention. I don't want to have to open up to somebody all over again. I'm going to have to be fake all the time. No calling somebody and crying on the phone for over an hour and then going and hanging out with them the next day. And I don't want to be known as "that emo girl" if I end up crying in the middle of school. I've done that a few times here. And Cumming especially is so behind on any sort of fashion, I don't want to look like I'm from the sticks, because I'm not. I'm from Portland. That artsy town in Oregon. Not the middle of nowhere, Georgia. They have BBYO (Binai Brith Youth Organization) (Jewish youth group) there, which I love a lot more than USY (the other organized Jewish youth group, which is the one they have here). But it's really difficult just to jump into a chapter. These kids will have been with each other since Jr. Kadima (4th-7th grade youth group) at the latest. And then just popping in in 10th grade! Yeah, you're welcomed, but they have so many memories together already, it's awkward. And the high school is so big! I didn't take a S.S. this year, what if I need 4 S.S. credits to graduate? And I don't want to have to take Spanish again next year, I'd fail. But, what if they require 3 years of foreign language? Would they accept a credit if I did Hebrew online? Or with my Synagogue? What math class would I be put in? What about Science? What if they do everything in a different order, would I have to take a class with freshies? I'm so afraid. I mean I could change their minds, but being here with my mom working full time and my father being "primary parent" would turn out horribly in the long run. I'm trying to think of my brother. You guys don't know a whole lot about my father because he's always fucking things up and I don't want the whole world to know how shitty he is. And now I just don't know what to do about my friends (you know who you are that I'm specifically talking about)... It's not even for sure that we're moving. I just told you guys because I can't deal with this by myself....
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I really don't know which side I'm on, just like that last thing that happened just a day before this one started (I'm not sure if you're public with that or not).
ReplyDeleteHaving your dad as the primary parent just isn't going to work. He's lazy, and he's an ass. He doesn't know how to take care of your family, and your mother could probably be much better if she wasn't tied up doing what your father should be doing.
Colorado sounds so great... but joining a new youth group, making new friends, re-taking all your classes just sounds like way more stress than you can handle. It may be the conservative view I was raised with, but moving is just a huge gamble. Yes, Colorado is great, but what if you can't make friends, what if you have to start high school over, what if you can't find a good house?
If I had to choose a side, I would choose to stay here. The "primary parent" thing just won't work out, but your parents will realize that and they'll go back to the way it is now. And, maybe your dad will even realize his responsibility as a parent and he'll shape up. If you move to Colorado and it doesn't work, you're stuck there, you were tight with money before and you certainly won't have enough pocket change to move back.
We made a huge gamble moving here and it failed. But, my parents think that we're better off here than we would've been in Oregon though. Their everything crashed and burned just after we moved.
ReplyDeleteI won't have to start over. I might just have to juggle some stuff online and everything. It just means I'll actually have to try in school for once. I mean I barely pay attention in most of my classes and don't do all the homework AND my life died (haha, punny) this year. I still pulled out all As and a B.
The reason we're going and looking in August is so that we know that there's a house we all like. My parents did that before moving here, but I wasn't a part of that because I REALLY didn't want to move (as you've probably noticed).
It's not like I don't have a choice, but either way sucks ass.
I'm really trying to think of my brother. He's around the same age I was when I first moved. But, he's moved before. He doesn't remember a whole lot from Oregon. And I think that he'd be better off moving then being with my dad most of the time. Even though that's not best for me.
ReplyDeletePlus, we've been trying to make him realize for a long time now. Just, not working.
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