Former Best Friend

So, I talked to him today. We had a math EOCT in the same period and afterwards I talked to him and two of our friends. He seems not as mean as I had thought. But, he's still not the same as he was. Not at all. I was able to have a little bit of a conversation with him, but I still found it awkward. I mean the fact that he feels like he's cheating on his "girlfriend" whenever he talks to me makes me feel awkward talking to him... But, you know, I'll deal with it someday. Just talking to him I still feel some loyalty to him. If he ever talks to me about something important I know I'll have to help him with it... But, as soon as he gets his life back together after that. I'll tell him what he did.

Well I was nice at banquet... Holding it in really isn't healthy. So now the whole world who bothers to look can see it.

You know there are some people I just really hate. Like my former best friend and his stupid girlfriend (I think I've mentioned them before). I mean him and I used to be so close that we could read each other's minds. I could be talking about Sesame Street and he could know that I was really complaining about my Dad. That's how close we were. And then he got a girlfriend and OF COURSE she made it awkward. Why do people always assume that you like your best friend if they're of the opposite sex? I mean I understand that he used to like me, but the fact that he's going out with HER should have told her that he didn't like me anymore. And then she made him choose. I told him that she was making him choose, I saw it coming. She knew how to press my buttons BECAUSE SHE WAS MY FRIEND! And he of course didn't believe me because he's so damn enamored with her. And he chose her. It was at first just little things, like walking with her in the hall ALL THE TIME. Then if I tried to talk to him about something important (like the fact that I was super confused about what I was feeling because my boyfriend had just broken up with me with a list of things that made it impossible to go out with me) he'd blow me off. Ya he'd say he was sorry, but I could tell he really didn't mean it because he was tired of talking to me and wanted me to shut up and stop ruining his mood. She stopped talking to me through him. I mean REALLY!? And then he chose, and of course since this was his first girlfriend and he's a freshman guy, he chose his girlfriend with the big boobs. I tried to tell him.... and he said all sorts of things... And so we stopped talking. A while back (when we hadn't been talking for a while) he was upset because his whore was grounded for beating the shit out of her sister. And he was telling Twitter he wanted somebody to talk to. So I talked to him for a little while. He still "really care[d] about [me] (you)", but couldn't talk to me because she didn't want him confiding in another girl that much. I mean REALLY!? Just because I'm a girl he can't confide in me? She's SUCH a jealous bitch! And this (plus my breakup with my boyfriend) cause almost all of my friends to hate me (they decided to be on the bitch and the ex's side. The bitch had spread A TON of NASTY rumors about me). And so my life crashed and burned. I was super depressed. I couldn't eat, I cried all the time (or held it back), and even cut myself a few times.... I've managed to put my life back together. But, still I occasionally Facebook/Twitter stalk him, just to see what's going on in his life. And he's changed. She's changed him. I mean the basic personality is there, but he's meaner. He said that when he needed somebody to talk to (when he could no longer talk to the bitch) he'd call me. Well 1) they're not breaking up anytime soon, they're never far from each other. But then again, he has nobody else to be around really. He has no close friends anymore (serves him right). And 2) I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to help him anymore. He deserted me when my life was disintegrating around me and I just needed somebody to talk to. He's become such a jerk. And he chose some bitchy whore over me. The bitch who basically destroyed what was left of my life, and took the one person I trusted enough to help me cope with it away. If I had done that to him... I would never have forgiven myself. But, I know he doesn't know how I feel. I tried to tell him through Twitter way back when, and he always got mad at me. Trusted what he heard from her, that I was saying all this shit about her. I never said anything about her because I wanted to keep his friendship. Well, my efforts were in vain. I which I had just ruined her life when I had the chance now. Because, no matter what he ever says or does in the future, I KNOW he doesn't really care. See why I have trust issues? See why I have no self esteem? Ya, there's a bit more to it, but this is basically it. Well, if anybody ever reads this, thanks for caring. I know there's at least one person who never will...